Emmett's Perfect Day
by xXxbailey925xXx
Summary: What do you get when edwardluver925 and Wasper Jithlock Cowrite a story? MAYHEM! What does Emmett do when he is alone? What if the Cullen's had a secret that Bella didn't know about? FUNNY! WE DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT! Stephenie Meyer DOES!
1. Chapter 1

**edwardluver925:** **Hey everyone! Please read this! I personally think it is really very funny! Please R&R! I LOVE YOU ALL!**

**Wasper Jithlock:**** Give us any idea of what you want Emmett to do!**

BPOV

"It's just around the corner." Edward whispered

"Where are you taking me?" I whispered back just incase there was a reason he was whispering.

"To my underground castle!" He sounded creepy, and was talking the way Dracula does in all of those crony movies, but when he said it, it sounded bloodcurdling.

"No, really? Where are we going?" I whispered back. With some effort I tried to keep my voice calm. I didn't want him to know that his little Dracula comment kind of scared me.

"You'll find out, don't worry." He was now using his normal voice again.

We came to the end of the hallway where it dead ended. There was a huge, full length mirror on the wall.

Edward came to a stop a few feet away from the mirror.

"Do you notice anything different about this mirror?" He asked, obviously amused by my confused look.

I took a step toward it to look at it, but when I looked into the mirror there was no reflection. Just the hallway behind us. I looked back at Edward now noticing that Alice and Jasper were beside him. I was so consumed with looking at the weird mirror that I hadn't even heard when they had come and joined us.

"What's wrong with it?" I asked, hoping they wouldn't make me guess.

"Touch it." Jasper simply stated.

I looked around at the three vampires in front of me. They all stared from me to the mirror and then back again.

"It's not going to shock me is it?" I asked narrowing my eyes at them. They just started laughing at me.

"Now why would we have a mirror that shocks people?" Alice asked after the laughter started to quite down, thanks to Jasper sending out waves of calm.

I ignored her question afraid that I might say something stupid and make them start laughing again

"Well if it's not going to shock me, then there better not be something that reaches out and grabs me." I said, trying to making it sound like it had some authority in it.

"Go ahead, touch it. Nothing is going to grab you." Alice said, sounding a little too anxious for me to touch it.

I reached out to touch the mirror. My fingers were only a few inches away when white cold hands reached out and grabbed me. I heard all three of them gasp. My heart was pounding so loud. I was forced to go through the mirror by the strong hands that held onto my own. I came into a bright pink room. Before I could even work up a scream Edward was by my side, with one hand on my mouth to keep me from screaming.

"You know you didn't have to grab her to bring her through the mirror." Edward sounded very angry. "I wouldn't doubt that one day she's going to die from her heart pumping too fast." He was almost yelling at the vampire in front of us. It took me a moment to recognize who it was. It was Carlisle that had pulled me through the mirror.

"I am so terribly sorry Bella, I didn't mean to startle you. I was just getting a little impatient of waiting for you to come in." He said apologetically. Alice and Jasper then walked though the mirror and started laughing at me.

"See, I told you that somebody was going to grab me!" I said now realizing how funny the situation is. Everyone except Edward started laughing. He must still be mad at Carlisle. Carlisle looked apologetically at Edward but he just kept glaring,

"How is it that we can go through the mirror?" I had never heard of someone going though a mirror before, but of course, I had never heard of "Vegitarian" vampires either.

"It's a simple hologram of a mirror on a wall so it covers up the door to this room." Carlisle explained while going to sit on a big pink couch in the middle of the room.

"Impressive." I said as I looked around the room and started to laugh. The entire room was painted pink, the carpet was pink, and even the windows were pink. Everything was pink. "So," I asked, scrunching my lips together. "What's with all the pink?"

All the guys in the room looked down at the floor with shame.

"Do you like it?" Alice was way over excited. "I designed it myself!"

Typical. This has Alice written all over it. I knew the guys would never do pink for a room. I mean, the chairs have pink feathers on them!! And the carpet says princess ever two feet!

"What is this room?" I asked looking at the three plasma TVs in front of me. I went to go sit down of the pink fluffy couch.

"This, my love, is the Emmett watching room." Edward stated and sat down next to me and put is cold stone arm around my shoulders. "This is how we keep an eye on him so he doesn't destroy the house." I nodded, understanding now. Emmett could get into mischief.

"It all started when Emmett burned down the house for the sixth time." Edward began, taking in my wide eyes and made an "O" shape with my mouth. "We've had to rebuild the house many times because of Emmett."

My eyes were still wide and my mouth still hung open. I was surprised. I knew Emmett could be reckless, but really, 6 TIMES?!

"Don't be too surprised Bella," It was Jasper that spoke. "Emmett is like a child in a very big and strong body." I closed my mouth and waited for Edward to continue.

"Anyways, Carlisle, Jasper, and I decided that we were going to make a room so that we could spy on Emmett to make sure that he wasn't in any trouble, but he couldn't know about the room. So we decided a hologram was the way to go. Emmett is not smart enough to notice he has no reflection in the mirror. Besides, it's at the end of a hallway no one goes down. In the beginning it was just Carlisle, Jasper, and I. That was until Rosalie found out about it. She's always looking in mirrors to see herself so she noticed in what… about 3 hours after we built the room?" He was directing his question towards the others.

"Actually, it was about 2 ½ hours." Jasper corrected.

"Thank you. In the first 2 ½ hours." He corrected himself. "Rose told Alice and Alice told Esme, so we are all in on it." He came closer to whisper in my ear. "It was originally an electric blue before Alice invaded."

"I heard that Edward!" She shouted. Then something I had missed clicked. Vampires have super sensitive hearing so…

"Can't Emmett hear us in here?"

"Nope. We put built this room with sound proof walls. You could scream at the top of your lungs and we still wouldn't be able to hear you."

"Scary." I whispered. Then I looked at Edward with confused eyes. "But, why are we watching him now?"

Edward looked at me and a sly smile formed on his lips "Well, Emmett's a pretty crazy guy. And, well, sometimes it's just fun to watch him. You will understand once we get started."

"But won't Emmett notice that you are gone?" I asked, incredulous.

"No." Edward answered with a smile on his perfect lips. "He thinks we went grocery shopping." I burst out laughing right then and there but the rest of the family just stared at me.

"He hasn't realized that you can't eat yet? Where do you put the cars?" I was talking so fast I thought that even a vampire wouldn't be able to understand me. But, of course, they all did.

"We parked my Volvo one house over. They let us put it there because they think that we have visitors and no room in our garage." Edward explained.

I just couldn't believe that Emmett would be as dense as to not notice Edward's shiny silver Volvo sitting in the yard next to his house.

"Would you like to get started then?" Edward asked.

"Uh, exactly how are we going to see him?" I wonder to no one in particular.

"We have tiny microphones and camaras placed in every room except the bathroom. Once we turn the Television on you will be able to watch Emmett and hear everything he is saying." Jasper informed me.

"So there will a lot of little screens all over the television?" I asked

"No." Jasper responded with a smile. "Rosalie made him swallow a tracking device of sorts so that only the camera that has a clear shot of him is the only one that shows up on the screen."

"How did she get him to swallow it?" I asked carefully.

"You don't want to know." Edward said with a disgusted look on his face. Rosalie just smiled at some memory. "ROSALIE STOP REMEMBERING THAT!" He shouted. Rosalie's smile widened and was now going from ear to ear.

"Lets get started!!" Alice whined impatiently.

"Ok, ok." Carlisle sighed as he got the remote and pressed the power button for the Television. Then an image popped up on the screen that I thought I would never see.

**edwardluver925:**** Ohh.. CLIFFY! I hope you life the first chapter! We want a lot of reviews on this one ok?? AT LEAST 5 OR WE ARE QUITTING THE STORY! GOOD! R&R! I LOVE YOU ALL!**

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	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey everyone! We love all the reviews that you guys sent!!!! Keep it up!!!!!! If you keep sending that many reviews then this story will get updated a lot more quickly!**

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_BPOV_

"_Ok, ok." Carlisle sighed as he got the remote and pressed the power button for the Television. Then an image popped up on the screen that I thought I would never see._

There on this giant screen was Emmett, wearing something I thought he would never ware. There he was wearing an elegant pink and purple pageant dress that had cuts all along the side that did not fit him at all.

He had a sliver crown on the top of his head, with a white gold diamond necklace that was way too small for his gigantic neck. It looked like at any second it would break into a million pieces. If he were human he would be turning blue from the lack of oxygen.

He was in the same hallway as us and the mirror. He was standing in front of the bathroom door no more then a few feet away from us, looking around to see if anyone was home.

"Is anyone home?" he asked in a voice you would use in a regular conversation, knowing that if anyone was home they would be able to hear him.

He looked both ways down the hallway one more time. Boy, if I thought Emmett was brainless before then he defiantly had no brain now. He had looked straight into the mirror and hadn't noticed he had no reflection.

In that moment, I just plain out exploded in laughter with everyone joining me. They were probably thinking the same thing as me.

Emmett looked down at his white gold watch, which was much too small for him and definitely too feminine.

"Rosalie, isn't that your white gold necklace and matching watch?" Jasper asked, completely calm.

"WHAT?!" She yelled at the top of her lungs, making my ears hurt a little bit. I felt so sympathetic for the other vampires in the room. If it hurt my ears then she must have destroyed their ear drums.

I now understood why they built this place with sound proof walls. Not only for when they were normally laughing at Emmett, but also for when they got mad at him. Just the look on Rosalie's face made me go into hysterics. If she was human I was sure that her face would be bright red, though, I thought I could see a faint tinge of red in her pale marble skin. But I must have been imagining it. When Rosalie yelled her eyes went pitch black. Edward looked at Jasper with a meaningful glare. There was a sudden rush of calm through out the room.

"Rose you need to calm down or you can leave." Edward said through gritted teeth. Rose had more of a temper then Edward when it came to her jewelry. She didn't think before she acted, making her very dangerous to be around at times. Not that she would hurt me or any other human, but she would defiantly leave a mark on a vampire. I pity the fool who she takes her anger out on. Her eyes went back to their breathtaking gold. She took a large unnecessary breath.

"If he breaks my necklace he is dead. It is a one of a kind Louis Vetton original." She pouted. There was no doubt in my mind that she really wouldn't kill Emmett. If he even left a scratch on that necklace then we would have to start planning his funeral.

"Ooooo!" Emmett chimed in from the TV. "It's time for the Miss USA Pageant!" His voice rose as he spoke. Almost making it a just a squeaky sound by the end.

"I can't believe he talks to himself." I said to no one in particular.

"He ALWAYS talks to himself when he's alone. It almost sounds like he's trying to narrate what he's doing just like they do in a book or a movie." Alice said in obvious disapproval. "Speaking of movies, do you want some popcorn Bella?"

"Uh… sure." I was shocked at the sudden subject change. Did Alice have ADD? I wonder… "Alice?" I asked "Do you have ADD?"

Alice turned to me, shock written all over her face. She looked speechless for a moment, then she regained her composer and gave me a wicked smile. "Why would you think that my dear Bella? EHMAGAWD!" She yelled, making me flinch in surprise.

"What!?" I asked, panicking.

"I SEE A SQUIRRL!" Alice screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Alice are you ok?" I asked.

"People say I have ADD. That stands for Attention Deficit… OH MY GOD! There is popcorn! IN MY HAND!" Alice yelled at the top of her lungs.

I went over to Jasper and gave him a questioning look. "Jasper, is Alice going to be ok?"

Jasper just laughed at me. "She is going to be fine Bella! She just kind of freaks out when people ask her if she has ADD." I continued to look at him to see if he was going to explain but when he didn't I just shrugged and walked back over to Edward.

Alice then got up from the couch to go to another part of the room I hadn't noticed before. It was pink like everything else, but it was a kitchen. It had a pink stove, microwave, refrigerator, and sink. How odd that a group of vampire's would have a kitchen in a room like this.

"We just built that, for you." Jasper stated, feeling my confusion. "Edward thought it would be nice to have one so that when you came over to watch Emmett with us, you didn't have to leave the room to go get food. There's a restroom over there too."

I hugged Edward as hard as I could and gave him a little sweet peck on the lips. He was always thinking of me. Alice was now trying to figure out how to pop the corn.

"You put it in the microwave." I instructed her. When she was human I don't think that they had popcorn yet

"For how long?" I had never seen Alice so confused about something. She had been around for so long that she knew almost everything, and now she was completely lost on how to make something as simple as popcorn.

"There should be a button labeled _"popcorn"_. You should push that one." It should have it. I have yet to see a microwave without one.

_5 seconds later_

"Come on, it's taking forever!" Alice exclaimed totally impatient.

"Yes…" Oops did I just day that out loud?! "I mean… no!" It was about time. Something, not even a vampire could speed up.

"Beep…beep…beep." The annoying buzzer went off on the microwave. Alice brought over my popcorn and I dug in. It made a lot of noise when I ate it.

"Snap, crackle, pop." It sound like I was on a Rice Crispies commercial.

"Gosh Bella!" Alice was being sarcastic. "Could you chew any louder?"

No one else had noticed and they looked at me

Even though Alice was kidding I still felt embarrassed. My cheeks turned redder then a tomato. They were making me self conscious when I ate. I was clearly the only one who ate and with only one person eating it made a lot of noise. When I lived back in Phoenix, I sometimes had already eaten so it was just my mom who ate. We would sit on the couch together while she eat. It bothered me so much. I could hear everything. From when she chewed to when she swallowed. When people eat we make the most disgusting noises.

"Sorry!" I said making sure that I didn't make a lot of noise when I chewed.

During all this time Emmett had just been dancing around like a ballerina from Swan Lake. He was now down stairs in the living room.

"Swimsuit competition! I am so excited!" Emmett yelled as he ran into his room to change into one of Rosalie's bikinis. After he got it on he danced around and got tape to make his imaginary runway. He started to do an obviously practiced routine. He walked around in it like it was the coolest thing he had ever had on.

The entire room erupted with hysterical laughter as Emmett curtsied to the imaginary judges and walked away, shaking his butt the whole way to the "back" of the "runway". Where he was congratulated by imaginary contestants who were "So obviously jealous of his amazing runway skills".

Rosalie looked like she was going to be sick from embarrassment. That was her favorite bikini. She would probably never wear it again. But then again, she just might.

Emmett looked around and then shouted really loud "It's the talent portion!" He then grabbed a tutu and waited for his turn to show off his ballet "skills". Once it was his turn Emmett got onto the "stage" and started to do some Adagio moves,then he went onto some Allégro. He then sarted doing some Glissade all over the place.**(Those are just some random ballet moves.)** I was laughing so hard that I was crying and all of the vampires in the room gave me funny looks.

"Bella, why are you crying dear!?" Esme asked.

"I'm" laugh "not" laugh "crying". I tried as best I could to make a sentence.

"Bella, you are definitely crying." Rosalie stated

"I'm" laugh "just" laugh "laughing" laugh "so hard" laugh "that I can't breath" laugh "and it's making" laugh "me cry" . I really hoped that they understood me because I really didn't want to repeat myself. Apparently they did because they all turned back to the television.

Emmett was standing next to card board drawing of girls waiting for the imaginary judges to tell him who won.

"And the winner is…" Emmett shouted. "The beautiful Emmett Cullen!" He started to make cheering noises and went up before the "crowd". "Thank you everyone! This is just too much!" He started to dry sob then, and the entire room started laughing hysterically again. "What shall I do now?" Emmett asked himself. He then grabbed some kind of doll out of his pocket.

"Oh. My. God! He has an Opera doll?" I asked incredulous.

Emmett started hugging the Opera doll and then made his voice really high "I think you should do what you only do on special occasions." "Opera" said.

"Your right Opera!" Emmett squealed. "It's Barbie time!"

**I hope you all like it! REVIEW ALL OF YOU! WasperJithlock and edwardluver925 really really like reviews. A lot! AND WE WILL RESPOND TO THEM TOO!!! Sorry to those of you who have read mine, WasperJithlock's, other stories. Some of the idea's that edwardluver925 came up with were already in one of my stories. So sorry. It won't be like that again.**

**Tell us what you thought about Alice having ADD!!! Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**edwardluver925: Sorry about the delay for this chapter! But I have been reading the Harry Potter book and my mom is having a party so she went crazy with the cleaning!! Oh and soccer just started and I hurt my knee so I have been to the doctor off and on lately. I know, it sucks. But the next update will be quicker! I SWEAR!**

**WasperJithlock: Please keep up the great reviews!!!!! WE love them!!!! I too have been really busy so once again, sorry for the delay.**

"_Your right Opera!" Emmett squealed. "It's Barbie time!"_

**BPOV**

"Did he just say 'Barbie time'?" I asked between fits of laughter.

"Yes I think he did. But I wonder… where is he going to get the Barbie's?" Edward asked. Everyone turned to Alice and Rosalie because they seemed like the most likely people out of the family to have a set of Barbie's. Alice just shook her head and pointed to Rosalie.

"I… I… um… I can explain!" Rosalie stuttered. The whole room exploded with laughter.

"Where did you get those Barbie's Rosalie?" Jasper asked while laughing.

"I… well… what is the problem with having a few hundred Barbie's!?" Rosalie yelled, which just made everyone in the room laugh harder. "What?" She asked.

"Rosalie, Barbie's are for babies!" Alice yelled playfully.

"No! They let me try out outfits!" Rosalie stated stubbornly.

"Ok, let me get this straight, you make miniature versions of all of your clothes and then you put them on Barbie's to see how they would look on you?" Jasper asked

"Maybe… ok…fine I do." If she could have she would have been as red as me when I get embarrassed.

"You know what? That's actually a great idea!" Alice squealed.

"Really?" Rosalie sounded hopeful.

"Really?!" Jasper asked in disbelief.

"NO!" Alice started to giggle. "I can see the future so I can just see if the outfit will look good on me." Alice said like it was obvious.

We all started to laugh at Rosalie again but now, instead of getting embarrassed, she was just getting angry.

"Well at least I'm not a boy and playing with them!" She was getting even angrier by the second.

"Okay, okay. We won't make fun of you anymore." I was surprised to see that it was Carlisle that was trying to calm her down instead of Jasper.

We all turned back to the TV to see what Emmett was doing now. Emmett was still in his hot pink tutu and leotard from the talent portion of the "pageant". It was very disturbing to see him in it. Emmett was one muscular dude. You could see every muscle and ripple in his body. Men should never were tutu's and leotard's to begin with but with Emmett it made me want to go wash my eyes out with soap. Yes, you heard me right. SOAP! But for Rosalie it seemed to have the opposite affect. While we were all half way covering our eyes, so we could shield them from his body but still see what he was doing, she had her eyes wide open and was staring seductively at the TV.

"Rosalie! Stop thinking that." Edward cried out as if he was in pain.

"You're making me sick too!" Jasper cried out as well.

We all looked at them sympathetically, then all of us, and when I say all I mean the others and not me, glared at Rose to stop.

"Sorry." She said

"No she's not." Edward stated, obviously getting more and more annoyed with her.

We then looked back at the TV. Emmett had seven different Barbie's in his hand. We all leaned in closer to see what they looked like. Then we all gasped. There were three male Barbie's. Two of them had blonde hair, and the other had bronze. There were also four female Barbie's. One had blonde long hair, short black hair, caramel-colored hair, and the last one with brown hair.

We all gasped. They were exact replicas of us. Right down to every little detail. The only one missing was one of Emmett. We all turned to look at Rosalie. She shook her head.

"Those are NOT mine." She said in defense.

"I'm so glad I made you guys." Emmett beamed from the TV.

"See!" She really was telling the truth.

Emmett took them all and started to play with them. He took the Jasper doll and started to play with it.

"Look at me, look at me," Emmett was doing an impression of Jasper's voice. It almost sounded like the real thing. "My special power is PMS!" We all started to laugh, but Jasper looked dangerously angry.

"For the last time Emmett, my power is not PMS!" Jasper yelled at the screen. Emmett then went on to the Carlisle doll.

"I brought with me compassion. But that really means that I'm a pushover and a pansy." Emmett said in Carlisle's British accent. I was starting to learn that Emmett was really good at doing impressions.

"What?!" Carlisle was outraged, which made us laugh even harder. He then went and picked up the Edward doll.

"Oh great!" Edward said probably expecting something bad after seeing the other two.

"I'm a mind-reader because I think too much about what people think!" Emmett was just as great as Edward's voice as the others but it wasn't like the real thing.

"It's called per pressure Eddie boy." Emmett was now using his regular voice. "Yay me! I'm in love with Bella but I would never tell her I'm a 100 year old virgin!" Edward's eyes went black as he watched this. He pulled out a piece of paper and started to write something down.

"Edward, what are you doing?" I asked trying to take a peek at the paper.

"It's my hit list." He said chuckling darkly. "Emmett is now number one at the top of the list."

"Who else is on your list?" I was interested to see who had pissed Edward off enough to be put on his list.

"Other then Emmett there's that hideous dog, Jacob…" I cut him off.

"Edward! You take him off right now. You will not hurt him."

"Fine." He said reluctantly as he crossed his name out. "Then there _was_ the creator of Miss USA." I didn't miss that he was speaking in the past tense.

"What?! You killed the creator of the Miss USA pageant?" I cried out.

"No, no, no Bella. She died from old age before I could get to her." He explained in a surly tone, but I still had my eyes narrowed at him suspiciously. "Then there's the Volturi…" This time it wasn't me that cut him off but Carlisle.

"Edward." He warned in a 'don't even think about it' voice.

"Fine," He sighed as he crossed yet another name off his list. "I don't see how I am supposed to have a hit list if I'm not allowed to get any of these people." He sounded annoyed.

"You shouldn't have a hit list at all, it's just not nice." Esme said in a very motherly voice. "While you're at it, cross Emmett off, you shouldn't have your own brother on there." Just then Emmett picked up the Esme doll.

"I brought with me the ability to care. So that means that the only reason I am with Carlisle is because he is in love with me and I care about his feelings too much to admit I think he is a wuss. Because, truthfully, I'm a wuss too!"

"Edward, put his name back on that list this instant!! Ohh, he is going to get it!" Esme yelled. Wow, I had never heard her yell.

Emmett then picked back up the Carlisle, Jasper, and Edward dolls. He then, tossed them all out the open window.

"There not Barbie's, their voodoo dolls." I voiced my discovery.

"And you thought my hit list wasn't nice!" Edward said to Esme, obviously happy he was no longer the bad guy. Then, suddenly, all the boys in the room were thrown agenced the wall. Edward and Jasper just moaned and started to get up. But Carlisle stayed curled up in the fetal position before he started to float in mid-air.

"CARLI!" Esme screamed. "What is going on!?" All eyes turned to the Television where Emmett was looking out the window and laughing.

"Carlisle is going to be bird food! Carlisle is going to be bird food!" Emmett kept screaming over and over again as Carlisle was hitting the wall repeatedly. I just couldn't help laughing. Emmett turned back to the dolls and picked up Alice's. He quickly put her in rags and made her go around the room. "I'm Alice and I am so obsessed with shopping that when I was human my family went into poverty!"

"That is so not true!" Alice shrieked. But Emmett wasn't finished yet.

"I think I am so like totally cool because I can see the future! But really I'm just a stupid person that needs to use my future sight to cheat on all my tests!" Emmett squealed in Alice's high, peppy voice. "I also use it because I don't know what to say to Jasper when we are alone!"

"That isn't true either!" She yelled again. Then Emmett picked up my doll. I don't know what he is going to say about me, but I'm sure it's not going to be good. I held my breath in anticipation for the embarrassment that was going to follow what ever Emmett was planning on saying.

"And I'm Bella and I'm only with Edward so he can change me into a vampire!" Emmett yelled in my voice. I couldn't think of anything to say so I just stared at the Television in pure shock. When I finally came to my senses everyone was staring at me.

"It's not true!" I yelled. "I love you so much Edward! Even if you weren't a vampire I would think you are the nicest most attractive person on this entire planet! There is no one I would rather be with." Edward responded by kissing me passionately.

"Get a room why don't you!" Rosalie yelled in disgust. Edward just smiled at her and pulled me closer to him. Before Rosalie could comment on our relationship Emmett picked up her doll.

"I'm a jerk! That is why when I was changed into a vampire I couldn't even get Edward to fall in love with me!" Rosalie looked like she was going to break down and cry. "But I am so hot that everyone always overlooks that!" She visibly calmed down.

"Rosalie why aren't you angry that your husband called you a jerk?" Jasper asked, incredulous.

"Because he called me hot." She responded like it should be obvious to everyone. Suddenly the phone rang on the Television and Emmett went to go pick it up.

"Oh hey Mike!" Emmett said.

"Is he talking about Mike _Newton_?" Edward asked as his eyes turned black again.

"Newton, I don't think she likes you! Well, anyway, the family is gone! So bring all of the stuff and be here in twenty minutes!" Emmett shouted.

**Why is Mike Newton going over to the Cullen's house? What is he bringing with him? WHO DOESN'T LIKE HIM? So many questions… there is only one way to find out! Press the pretty blue button and review! We want at least ten reviews for this chapter! Ok? Good! **


	4. Chapter 4

**edwardluver925: We are so totally sorry that we haven't updated, but we have extra time now that its Thanksgiving break and we'll give you as many updates as possible! We also promise that we won't make you wait that long again! Ever! Sorry again and we still love you and haven't forgotten about you! Cyber-Edward's-Pants to all! **

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_BPOV_

"_Newton, I don't think she likes you! Well, anyway, the family is gone! So bring all of the stuff and be here in twenty minutes!" Emmett shouted._

"No way!" Jasper exclaimed. "He is seriously talking about Mike Newton!"

We all stayed quite for a moment until Carlisle broke out in a fit of laughter. We all joined him except for Edward. He stared at the screen with a murderous expression. He pulled out his list again.

"You're just now adding Newton to your list?" Alice asked in bewilderment.

"No, I'm merely bumping him up to third on the list. There is no way he is coming into our house!" Edward was practically screaming at this point while his eyes just grew darker and darker.

"Edward honey, it's okay." Esme was trying to sooth him. "Even though you may not like him, and well I'm just as surprised as you, but if Mike is Emmett's _friend_ then he is welcomed anytime."

"But… b-b-but" Edward stuttered. "BUT HE LIKES BELLA!" He finally screamed.

"We all like Bella, Edward." Esme said in a calm, motherly voice.

"But Esme!" He whined. "He's a bad boy thinking bad things!" I tried to hold back my laughter but failed miserably. He sounded like a five year old.

"Edward! You are getting too angry! Let me calm you down." Jasper yelled over all of the voices in the room.

"No!" Edward said defiantly.

"Edward!" Jasper warned in an ever harsher voice.

"You're not the boss of me Jasper! I'll be angry when I want to be angry!" Edward yelled.

"He's right honey," Esme interjected. "You can't make your brother do something he doesn't want to do." Jasper just looked at her shocked and then turned around and started speaking in Spanish. It sounded like he was muttering a string of profanities.

Edward growled.

"BOYS!" Carlisle finally interjected. "Control yourselves!! You act like children." He added quietly.

_Ding Dong!_

"Oh, great. _Mike Newton_." Edward said his name with such venom that it made me laugh.

"Well," Mike began, "I brought the stuff."

"What could it be?" Jasper wondered.

"Drugs." Alice immediately answered.

"You think everyone's doing drugs!!" Edward complained.

"No! I do not think everyone's on drugs!" She responded, annoyed.

"Yes, you do. Like when I left Bella and was depressed, you said I was on drugs. You said Bella was on speed yesterday. You said that Carlisle was on drugs when he took away your credit cards. You said that—"

"Enough!" Esme was getting tired of people arguing, and I could tell she was at her breaking point. "Alice, you do say everyone is on drugs all of the time, and Edward, stop making fun of her for it. You're both acting like Emmett here!!"

"Quiet! I'm trying to watch the damn game!" Carlisle yelled. We didn't know what was wrong with him, I mean, there wasn't a game on. Just Emmett and Mike talking about how much of a, uh, bad word Edward is while Mike was holding a paper bag, strangely large. It was strange to hear Carlisle curse, but also quite funny.

"I mean," Mike was saying, "He doesn't deserve her! Look at him, and then look at me! I am sooo much sexier than he will ever be!"

"Dude you are so right! He is such a prude too!" Edward was already taking out his list. I looked over his shoulder to see that Emmett was changed from number two to number one and Mike was changed from number three to number two. Jake was now number three.

"Come on dude, I can't wait any longer! Take out the stuff!!" Emmett sounded really excited.

"Here come the drugs!" Alice predicted.

But Alice was wrong; drugs were not in the bag. Oh no, it was much, much worse than that. The bag was filled with Star Wars gear, everything from light sabers to Yoda's ears.

"Le gasp!" Rosalie finally spoke. I heard a snort.

"Le gasp? You're not even French! You're Swedish!" Jasper laughed.

"Hey, I do what I want!" Rosalie was _such _drama queen.

"Well, what do you want?" Carlisle asked.

"Shoes." **(This is the clean version)**

Theme music starts

_Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Oh my god! Shoes._

_Let's get some shoes. Let's get some shoes._

_Let's get some shoes. Let's get some shoes._

_Shoes. Shoes. Oh my god, shoes._

_Shoes. These shoes rule, these shoes suck._

_These shoes rule! These shoes __**suck**_

_Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Oh my god, shoes._

_These shoes rule, these shoes suck. _

_These shoes suck, __**these shoes suck**_

_I think you have too many shoes. Shut up!_

_I think you have too many shoes. Shut up!_

_I think you have too many shoes. Shut up!_

_I think you have too many shoes. Shut up!_

_Stupid boy. Stupid boy. _

Was Rosalie really doing this? She was usually mean and scary, but now she was just plain scary. I mean, she had a good voice and all, but _shoes_? I looked at Edward for support but he looked just as taken aback as I did.

_Let's get some shoes. Let's party._

_These shoes are three hundred dollars._

_These shoes are three hundred dollars._

_These shoes are three hundred freaking dollars._

_Let's get em'!_

_Um, this style runs small. I don't think you're gonna fit!_

_I mean, your feet are, kinda big._

_Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, by the way loser, screw you!_

_Screw you! Screw you! __**Screw you**_

_Shoes. Those shoes are mine loser._

_Give me those freaking shoes loser._

_Those shoes are mine loser. Loser._

_Loser. Loser. Loser._

"Wwooww." We all said at the same time.

Suddenly on the screen we heard Mike yelling in what sounded like an alien language.

"He is such a Star Wars wannabe," Jasper said, "That's not even close to the language that they really use in book sixteen!" We all stared at him, shocked.

"Uh, Jasper? How do you know that?" Alice asked. Jasper looked guilty.

"I may have stolen a few of Emmett's magazines while you were away…"

"NOOOO!!" Alice shouted. "I'm married to a Star Wars fan!! This is so totally the end of the world!!!"

Emmett once again distracted us by an unusually girly scream.

"What is going on out there?" Carlisle wondered in awe.

"I have no idea." Edward answered, just as entranced by the screen as Carlisle was.

"It looks like they are replicating the battle scene from book twelve, chapter eight." Jasper said proudly. Alice suddenly ran to the corner of the room, sobbing hysterically.

On the screen Emmett was hitting Mike on the arm lightly with his light saber, while Mike was hitting Emmett as hard as he could, which obviously had absolutely no affect.

"Why won't your arm come off like in the book?" Emmett wondered as he stared to hit harder. Suddenly a sickening crack filled the air. Mike let out a string of profanities.

"You broke my freaking arm in _half_!" Mike yelled.

"Um, you'd better go to the hospital." Emmett stated sadly.

"Yeah, duh." Mike mumbled as he made his way out the front door, cradling his broken arm. "Tell Bella when you see her that I will rescue her from Edward one day!"

"Sure, sure." Emmett was saying as he rushed Mike out of the house.

"Bye!" Mike said, one second too late. The door was already shut in his face. Emmett rushed to the TV and turned it on. He watched Power Rangers for about thirty minutes until a commercial came on. A commercial that I wish to never see again.


	5. Chapter 5

**WasperJithlock: I am very sorry that it's taken me so incredibly long to finally sit down and write this chapter. I don't really have that big of an excuse other then I'm lazy…and possibly boy crazy. But again, that's no excuse. So here it is!!! Cyberhugs to all!**

**Edwardluver925: See!!! You cannot blame me for Kai's stupidity in trying to get this chapter up!!! Blame Kai's boyfriend…**

**Disclaimer: **

**Us: We wish we wish upon a star, that we owned Twilight/ The Commercial That We Used!!!!! (WE CAN'T TELL YOU YET BECAUSE WE'RE EVIL! DUH!)**

**Star Gods: Never!!! Only in your dreams! Muahahahah!**

**Us: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!**

**Edward: HUGGS!**

**Us: YYYEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!**

**FLAMES WILL BE USED TO BURN JACOB BLACK!! Muahahaha!**

_BPOV_

"_Bye!" Mike said, one second too late. The door was already shut in his face. Emmett rushed to the TV and turned it on. He watched Power Rangers for about thirty minutes until a commercial came on. A commercial that I wish to never see again_.

BPOV

We all stared incredulously at Emmett as he sang along with the dreadful commercial.

"Damnit!" Edward finally said when the commercial ended. "We have TiVo!" Everyone gasped but me.

"What's TiVo?" I asked. Everyone stared at me in disbelief.

"How do you not know what TiVo is?" Alice was the only one who could speak.

"I don't know," I said confused. "Am I supposed to know what it is?"

"TiVo," Carlisle said after a few moments of silence. "Is one of the best things ever invented in the entire universe. It allows you to record any show you want!"

"Wow," I said, impressed.

"It also lets you fast forward or rewind," Edward said this like it was a bad thing.

"Then why…" I stopped when I finally realized what this meant. "He wouldn't!" I exclaimed.

On screen Emmett picked up the remote and, from what I could see, hit a button that had a back arrow on it.

"NO!" Rosalie yelled. "NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Once again the commercial played as Emmett sang along to it. And again and again and again!

"He better not rewind-" Edward was interrupted by the dreadful sound that the TiVo made as it was rewarded for the sixth time. The commercial came back in as we all groaned in agony.

It started with a green pasture and the theme song playing full blast in the background.

"My little pony, my little pony," Emmett sang along in a beautiful voice that would have been awesome if he was singing any other song.

The main pony in pink came prancing in out of nowhere from the green, treeless, pasture. A little girl's hand suddenly popped out and snatched the main pony as it went from being a cartoon to reality with the actually plastic pony. The shot changed from just showing the girl's hand to the girl's face. She smiled as she held her pony high in the air with pride as she tossed her long blonde hair over her shoulder. The thyme song stopped as the commercial's advertisement voice came on talking about the new princess pony and her new castle.

The shot changed again as it showed the little girl playing with her pink pony in the castle. She played for about three seconds before another girl came and joined her. This girl was brunette and held a purple pony. Following the brunette was a girl with black hair. She held a light green pony and smiled right at the camera as she walked over to join the other girls.

They showed the girls playing with their ponies as the voice continued to talk about the new princess pony collection. The thyme song came back in as the voice stopped talking but this time it came back even louder than before. Emmett began to sing along with it again as he reached for something under the couch.

The Cullen's and I all looked around at each other with the same questioning look on our faces.

"What the hell…" Rosalie started to say as she leaned forward in her seat to get a better look at what Emmett was getting out.

"No way!" Jasper was the first one to speak as Emmett pulled out his own My Little Pony. "When did he buy a My Little Pony?" We all looked over at Rosalie.

"Don't look at me!" She screeched in defense, pulling her hair in front of her face and peeking though. "I didn't know anything about this!"

We all watched as Emmett rewinded the commercial again but this time played with his purple pony.

"Do you know what bugs me about these types of commercials?" Alice suddenly asked. We all stayed quite knowing she was going to tell us anyways. "That the blonde little girl always gets the pink pony, the brunette always gets the purple pony, and the black haired girl always gets the weird green pony!" She became louder as she got to the end of her rant. "BLACK HAIRED GIRLS LIKE PINK AND PURPLE TOO!" She yelled furiously.

"She's right!" I found myself say as I realized that she _was _right. "I like the pink pony more then the purple pony and I have brown hair! They always give the blonde girl the pink pony! Racists!"

"Maybe because blondes are better then people with brown and black hair put together," Rosalie said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"What?!" Alice shouted as she got up from the couch.

"You heard me!" Rosalie shouted back as she stood up herself.

"Black hair is so much better than blonde. I bet they give the blonde girls the pink ponies just to make them feel better." Alice looked tiny next to Rose.

"Or maybe the black and brown hair girls aren't pretty enough to handle the pink pony!" Rosalie spat back. Their faces were only inches away from each other. I kept quiet, hoping not to get into this.

"Are you calling me and Bella ugly?" Alice challenged. Shit! Now I was involved.

"Well you guys just aren't as pretty as me and my blonde hair. If you guys had blonde hair then maybe, just maybe, you'd be prettier." Oh no she didn't?!

"Ugh!" I said angrily as I found myself standing up as well.

"Jasper!" Alice yelled even though he was only a foot away from her. He looked frightened as she called his name.

"Yes love?" He asked in a timid voice.

"My black hair is better than Rosalie's blonde right?" She gave him a look saying that he better answer correctly.

Jasper look terrified as he looked back at Alice.

"You wouldn't," Edward said in disbelief. His eyes were wide as he stared at Jasper. "I don't think you should say what you are thinking of saying."

"What does he want to say?" Alice said looking from Jasper to Edward and then back to Jasper.

"Do you want me to be honest with you?" He asked.

"Of course," Alice said a little softer.

"Okay then." He said, sounding a little bit more than reluctant to talk but stood up to join us. "Well it's not like your hair isn't pretty or anything and Rosalie's hair isn't prettier than yours…it's…it's just…just that," It was the first time I had ever seen him so scared. I had never heard him stumble like this before either.

"Just spit it out!" Alice said impatiently.

"Blonde hair rocks," He said simply. His face scrunched up as if he was expecting to be slapped.

Alice stood dumbstruck as she stared at her husband. She looked at him as if she wasn't hearing him right. Finally she realized that he had actually said that. Her face distorted and her hands clenched, she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"What?!" She screamed at him.

"I told you not to say that," Edward said mockingly as he sat back in his seat, chuckling slightly.

"I'm going to have to agree with Jasper on this one," Carlisle said as he stood up and pushed back his blonde hair exaggeratingly.

"Of course you do," Esme said disgusted. "You have blonde hair."

"And that's exactly why it rocks," Carlisle said in a matter of fact way.

"Excuse me but brown hair is a lot better than blonde hair," Esme said standing up as well. Edward was the only one still sitting, watching the scene play out with amusement.

"No it isn't!" Rosalie said as Jasper and Carlisle came to stand by her. At the same time Esme came to stand by me. Wow, we separating into our own groups. This only happens on TV.

"Black hair is better than both," Alice said, standing her ground even though she was the only one here that has black hair.

Everyone continued to argue as I stood back and watched. I never was good about arguing on things like this. I looked down at the couch only to meet Edward's amused eyes. Everyone was so engrossed in what the best hair color was, that I easily slipped away and went back to sit with Edward.

"Why aren't you arguing that bronze is the best hair color?" I whispered, so that Esme wouldn't notice that I had abandoned her.

"Well first off, there's no need to whisper, they will never notice that you're gone," He said with amusement. "And I'm not arguing because this happens all the time, and I honestly don't care what hair color is better."

"This happens all the time?" I asked incredulous.

"It's always a huge argument here. The only funny thing about this one is that Jasper usually sides with Alice, but today he decided to speak his mind. It was very surprising." He laughed a musical laugh.

"When do you think that they will stop?" I asked, wondering if the fighting gets worse than just verbal abuse.

"It can go on for hours," He sighed. The fight started to get worse and worse as we looked over at the angry vampires.

"Black hair is the BESTEST!" Alice screamed.

"Is not!" Yelled Rosalie.

"Uh huh!" Cried Esme.

"Nuh uh!" Carlisle yelled. Everyone was yelling now, except Jasper.

"LETS GET EM'" Rosalie screamed.

"YEAH!" Carlisle wailed.

"BRING IT ON!" Yelled Alice and Esme at the same time.

"I don't know guys, they look pretty mean." Jasper commented in a small, wary voice. He was looking at Alice and her enraged face.

"Wuss." Was all Alice said.

"OH NO YOU DIDN'T!" Jasper said, snapping his fingers. None of the others seemed to notice, but Edward and I immediately burst into hysterics. Edward then looked over at the TV for a second and his jaw dropped.

"What-" I started to say but then I looked over at the TV myself and my jaw dropped open too.

"Emmett sure can create arguments," Edward said after regaining his composer. "But he can also end them.

"Guys!" Edward yelled over to them to get his voice over their loud ones. "You _have _to see what Emmett is doing!"

They all looked at him as if whatever Emmett was doing couldn't be as important as hair color. But then Jasper looked over at the TV anyways.

"Oh. My. Carlisle!" He said, his eyes practically popping out of his face. Everyone looked over to the TV and all had the same reaction.

"I always knew Emmett was a little different from everyone else," Carlisle said in his professional doctor's voice. "But I never knew he was this different…" He let the sentence just kind of drift off.

**AN! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!! We love you (hehe not in that way) and want you to press the little blue button! DON'T MAKE US CRY AGAIN!!!**

Carly Rae

Kai


	6. I need a new CoWriter!

**OK, so here is the deal. Kai and I had a little fight. Alright, we had a huge fight. Well, to get to the point, we are no longer friends. **

**So, here is where you, my lovely readers, come in. I need a co-writer. Why you ask? Because I don't really want to write this on my own when I have another story and varsity soccer to juggle. Another story which is giving me a huge amount of trouble at the moment. **

**Now, you may be asking yourselves, how will I pick my co-writer? Well, I have a little idea about this challenging task. I want to have a kind of competition. I want to read the stories that you have written or are writing. I want you to send me a review saying "I'm in" and I will read them. I don't care if they are funny or if they are serious or if they are down right depressing. All I want to see is that you are a creative good writer. **

**For those I don't choose, it's not because you are a bad writer. It may be because I think that you could take this story in a direction that I don't really like. Or maybe because I have an idea of a certain writing style and you just don't exactly fit the mold. Or it could just be possibly, based on your authors notes, that we may not get along.**

**Now I really need you guys to review and tell me you want to be my co-writer. Not only will updates come faster, but they will probably be better than if I did it alone.**

**I hope to have a co-writer within a week, I will make an announcement to show who it will be.**

**Ciao,**

**~*Carly Rae*~**


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